I cockslap morals
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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