my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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