I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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