I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He has the fingertips of a God
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