He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
