i was born a porn star she said
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
