Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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