i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize