Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
