So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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