I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
