Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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