turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
