oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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