ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
