What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
time to smoke my breakfast
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
not ubering you a puppy
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