She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
