exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
