Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
