I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
