Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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