just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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