I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
