Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude i'm inner monologue high
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
