fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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