wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
