We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
