So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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