these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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