Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
