He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
