We named our party play list daddy issues
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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