Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
