He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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