i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize