fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
