Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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