Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
