I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
