you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
