My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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