Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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