Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
