I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
