is your mom at the bar?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Randomize
