Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize