If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
