You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
