if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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