and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
