one might say we're banned from that church
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
