how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
