i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
