I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
