he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
