Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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