I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
