dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
