no. you can't hotbox the world.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
