The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize