I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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