You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We just shotgunned beers for America
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
