did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
