ya dads aren't the best wingmen
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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