Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
