My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
