At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
