The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
