My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
