TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
