Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize