you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
