I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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