I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a search helicopter?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
