neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
