next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
