12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
