I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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