My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize