Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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