Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
